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Post by Dullahan on Aug 23, 2014 22:58:05 GMT -5
So, I've been suffering from some...major depression issues. Really bad. And while I'm getting better (so my best friend keeps telling me, and I trust her judgement more than mine when it comes to such things, as the disease screws with my perception really badly), I still have something eating at me. Yes I've been going to counciling, but sometimes I just want to hear it from someone else.
How....how does one...forgive themselves? I just can't let go my mistakes (god knows I've made them), and therefore focus completely on making up for them. This pushes me to apologize for anything I feel might be a problem, even when there's no reason for it. It also means I isolate myself to avoid hurting people with my screw ups, which only makes things worth (my tolerance for being alone is just gone these days). People keep telling me that I need to forgive myself for all this, so I can move on, but... I don't know how.
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Post by Silentking Alpha on Aug 24, 2014 16:30:25 GMT -5
I want to help, but I have zero experience with this nor do I not know anyone personally who has experienced this. Or at least I am unaware at this time. But I will just give it a try. Just forgive. Just let go and stop worrying about your past mistakes. And just work to help others and make sure they don't make those mistakes. I am not saying to forget what you have done. Instead learn from them. Think about what you have done wrong and how you can avoid making them if you were the same situation.
That is probably not the best advice and probably sterotypcial. Actually, I realized that I have been depressed before over how lazy I am. But it is only brief lapses that don't appear that often (I think I mentioned this before on this site.) But basically, that is how I have forgiven myself. How I am able to keep myself from going into true depression. There are different methods for everyone, but hopefully that will either be the right one or be a step towards what will work for and get you out of this. Because honestly, I miss your games and the time you have been played in my game. You are a good roleplayer and I would be happy to have you join my DC game.
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Post by Manah on Aug 24, 2014 16:34:52 GMT -5
To be honest, none of us are especially qualified to help. But I do agree with SK that it's necessary to take a proactive approach to it, learn from one's mistakes instead of letting them slow us down, and then actively work at helping others. Do things that you love with people you love, and try to enjoy life to its fullest, because that's what we're here on Earth for.
Just my 2 cents.
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Post by dorkknight23 on Aug 27, 2014 15:19:17 GMT -5
So, I've been suffering from some...major depression issues. Really bad. And while I'm getting better (so my best friend keeps telling me, and I trust her judgement more than mine when it comes to such things, as the disease screws with my perception really badly), I still have something eating at me. Yes I've been going to counciling, but sometimes I just want to hear it from someone else. How....how does one...forgive themselves? I just can't let go my mistakes (god knows I've made them), and therefore focus completely on making up for them. This pushes me to apologize for anything I feel might be a problem, even when there's no reason for it. It also means I isolate myself to avoid hurting people with my screw ups, which only makes things worth (my tolerance for being alone is just gone these days). People keep telling me that I need to forgive myself for all this, so I can move on, but... I don't know how. It is absolutely awesome you're seeking counseling. I've been in and out over the years, depending on if I had the resources to pursue it or not, and it's always better to have an impartial person to talk to about your life with. I sympathize a lot with your situation. I don't talk about this a lot here because, honestly, I don't like bringing it up with most people but I've also struggled with mild-to-moderate depression and anxiety for pretty much the entirety of my adult life, although I had mentally minimized the impact they were having on me until maybe 4 years ago. I also isolate myself from other people (I'm also overly apologetic and sometimes hypervigilant about making mistakes. Also suicidal on and off since I was 12, there's obviously more of a story there but I won't go into it.) You are doing the right thing by being aware of the mental patterns of your depression and being mindful of when they're coloring your perception of events. What I learned in therapy (and what I still struggle to do sometimes day-to-day) is to take perspective of what's going on and know when to listen to my emotions and when they're working towards a solution or when they're working away from one. It's an ongoing process and it's hard. Really hard. But you're never alone. I know there are other people besides the two of us here on the boards who've struggled with similar issues, and I can't speak for any or all of them, but I for one would always be happy to answer a PM if you were feeling down and wanted someone to talk to. I've always enjoyed having you in my games, you're a really creative and fun guy, and I'm really sorry you're feeling this pain and I'd want to do what I could to help you. Forgiving oneself is something I also struggle with, so I can only offer my process, which doesn't work 100% of the time. The first thing I usually do (after checking my depression and mindset like I described above,) is consider what happened in the context of if another person had done the exact same thing, if I could forgive that person for doing it (and I almost always would,) then I try to give myself that same leeway to make mistakes. If what I did is something I probably should feel bad about, then I consider how to make amends for it, even if that means talking to the person one-on-one and apologizing. I also reach out to my closest friends who I trust and they usually help me a lot even by just listening to me. Sometimes I take walks, that works for me too, but find some healthy activity that lets you separate yourself from the immediate moment to process. Hope that helps!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2014 6:26:45 GMT -5
I'm still on hiatus, but I'm going to try to give some advice. The past always effects the present and future, but sometimes you get to decide how much. We've all made mistakes, but that adds character and personality. Giving up and cutting yourself off never helps, because most of us have friends, family, or other people counting on us. You move one, you learn, and you grow.
If you give up and cut yourself off because you're afraid of hurting those close to you, then you're quitting, and still hurting them. Make it so it's their decision to stay with you or not. Sometimes, you'd be surprised at the people who stick by you in some crazy times. When you cut someone of who loves you, you're still hurting them. When you do this you have to really caculate what's going to hurt them more. Being with you through the tough times, or being without you at all. this is never an easy decision
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