Costume Descriptions

[ironfox]

Considering that on this site we are all typing out the things our characters do say and wear, I thought I'd enlist the help of some of you for describing a costume in written form.

Here is one description that I didn't have any problem with in my latest writing assignment:

"To his right, he sees an image of himself dressed in almost black, dark red leather armor with a high collar and gauntlets with small, hooked spikes on each knuckle. This image of himself has the face of the phantom beast from before, eyes blazing with red fire and sharp, serrated teeth spread from cheek to cheek."

I like it. I think it gives the reader a good enough idea of the appearance of the character without being too wordy. I realize that you don't have a full perspective of who "he" is, so you don't know things like eye and hair color, thickness of lips or brow. You don't even know his ethnicity. But if you did, I think you could easily imagine him in this getup.

The next one is... not as satisfying. It's supposed to be a classic looking superhero costume with a bit of modern line work. But I'm having a hard time explaining the design in terms of lines and borders where one color ends and another begins in as short of a word count as above. Here's what I have:

On his left, he sees himself in a gold and white costume complete with a bright, flowing cape.

*sigh*

It's just not enough. I can't say "It looks kind of like Green Lantern's costume except make the black areas on his costume gold and the green areas white and..." you get the point.

Advice? A link to some superhero literature that doesn't make use of comic art would be very helpful I think.

Thanks guys.

[takewithfood]

Descriptions are just hard. That's writing for you. I think the real art is in minimalism. I like to compare Tolkien, who could make you feel like you were actually there in so few words, with someone like the late Robert Jordan, who could write paragraphs about what was on the mantle, or exactly how a dress fit around a woman's breasts. Less is more.

And I think the way to get more out of less is to think about the nouns you're using, and then think about which adjectives and descriptions are built-in or assumed. Don't write any of those. Instead, write what's left - the stuff that the reader wouldn't expect.

For example, you have his "eyes blazing with red fire". Does it have to be red? If the reader pictures a blazing fire, will they not picture it reddish, and is it important if they don't? Are most capes flowing? What will they picture if you don't use the word "flowing"? Those are the kinds of questions I ask myself, anyway. I think the one that bugs me the most when I see it is "a pair of shoes". "Shoes" should suffice. It implies two or more, and who wears 3+ shoes? I still find myself typing that, though. lol

I also like to separate the weird from the mundane, as I find it gives the weird more of an impact. If you describe the contents of someone's pockets as: "some loose change, a wallet, a .22 revolver, and a cell phone", the revolver doesn't stand out. If you describe it as "some loose change, a wallet, a cell phone, and a .22 revolver." then the revolver pops. (You can play with this and do it the first way, though, if you want to make it seem like carrying a revolver in your pocket is perfectly normal. The line in the Dark Knight that describes the Joker best is when they mention that there's "nothing in his pockets but knives and lint." Knives plural, and lint, the most normal thing to find in a pocket, in second. It's very evocative.) If you REALLY want to make the revolver pop, give it a sentence fragment. "some loose change, a wallet, and a cellphone. And a .22 revolver."

Armor, collars and gauntlets are all fairly normal, and I would describe those first, then hit the reader with the weird stuff, such as the spikes. Really, the spikes belong to the gauntlets, so that description should be as one, separate from the rest.

I'm often less interested in colour than I am in tone, when it comes to clothes. Whether or not a hero is dressed in red says very little about them; whether it's bright or dark, though, can lead the viewer to certain assumptions (and its fun to play with assumptions; this is why Batman's costume is my favourite of all time). Shape is really hard to describe, so I often don't try, but I might mention how it sits on the person (a costume is probably tight, but if it isn't, mention so), or I might describe the weight or quality of the material. So, for someone like the Punisher, I might talk about the weight, thickness, or material of his costume rather than how it fits, as it goes with his rugged, purposeful character, and tells you something about him; someone like Spiderman really only wears his costume to hide his identity, and so it need not be so utilitarian, and so the description may be more about the motif.

I guess lastly, if I am using a lot of adjectives, I try to break up the usual adjective+noun pattern. "A blue baseball hat, a denim jacket, faded khakis, and canvas shoes" is adjective+noun adjective+noun adjective+noun and it gets boring. It has a rhythm and that makes it predictable. Instead, I try to screw with one of the items. "A blue baseball hat, a denim jacket, khakis that have seen better days, and canvas shoes." Still gets across the wear on the khakis, but it breaks up the rhythm.

I dunno, that's just stuff I think about during descriptions. Usually, when I really care about a post, I write what comes to mind, then go over it and look at every word and ask myself "Do I need this?" And if I don't, I take it out. Then I read it again, try to imagine that I'm doing so for the first time, and try to imagine what picture comes into mind. If its close enough, then that's okay.

The hardest part about that is letting go of the exact image I have in my mind, and allowing the reader to come up with their own image. I'm very picky about details, and I want people to see what's in my head, but honestly, that isn't necessary most of the time.

I have no idea if any of that helped, but I hope it did. lol

~TWF

[malice]

Descriptions are cool, but if you're talking about PbP RP then there are a few things I try to remember:

-You will have more than one opportunity to describe your character, so you can break a paragraph of description into its relevant parts whenever they come up in relevant posts.

My character in one game has silver eyes like mirrors, wears a sort of bomber jacket, pants, and rarely wears anything on his feet, but I didn't spend my first post in the game describing him.

Instead whenever he's looking around there is a reference to his mirror-like eyes, whenever he moves enough in a panel there's a reference to his coat, and when the terrain is interesting I might mention how something feels under his bare feet.

-You don't need to describe non-recurring characters very well. If they're going to appear only once, you can give a blip and then kill them.

Who cares what the basher mook semi-boss looks like? We'll never see him again after this fight.

Finally: Google Images is your friend!



^That woman is one of the pictures I have for when I summon a specific spirit in a Shadowrun game. Rather than attempt to describe her, I just pulled a picture off the internet.

This allows you to be lazy as a writer, which is a bad thing for your skills but often a good thing for your audience and what you're trying to convey, assuming you find an image that fits your vision well.

There's nothing wrong with being lazy sometimes, but I don't recommend doing it when the image doesn't fit your vision. Better to challenge yourself describing your vision than to settle for an inadequate portrayal because it saved you time.

Also sometimes the images don't work.