Post by Manah on May 9, 2013 22:38:07 GMT -5
Good evening to all.
First, and to make sure nobody takes this the wrong way, allow me to say this outright: this is NOT a post about me leaving the board and thanking everybody, naming the qualities of each of you and thanking you for a good time over the last months/years, before offering to sing Kumbaya around a fire before I quit. So rest easy, I'm not leaving, or anything of the sort.
Now that this is clear... I have something to say to you guys. It's related to my past sequences of 'feeling depressed this' and 'feeling down that', etc, etc... that I had in the past, several times over.
Do not worry, though, I'm not dying or anything. It's not that big a deal for most folks, but for me, it is important, so bear with me. XD
It's not easy (although it's considerably less difficult, since I've already said it to my family, 'real world' friends and boss and fellow employees at my job), either to say or to hear, but it's something I feel that I have to do. The reason for this is threefold.
One, I planned to make this 'coming out' ('cause it is kind of one) everywhere that was important to me, because otherwise it'd feel like something was lacking, that it'd be incomplete. Since the board is a place (so to speak) where I spent a considerable amount of hours on in the last six years, it is very important to me.
Two, I do not want to lie to anyone, and if I do not say it, I will eventually have to, so it's out of the question as far as I'm concerned.
Three, and finally, I feel like I owe it to you guys to tell you. This community helped me get through the darkest times of these last few years, by providing me with great GMs, amazing fellow players, and dozens of great games. It provided me with what I needed to keep going (which is, a way to get my mind off things that made me depressed) many times over, and I have all of you to thank for it. So, regardless of how you may see it, even if you never had the feeling like you actually did something for me, I can assure you that you did. If you're part of this community somehow since I've started showing up here, then at some point, you've made a big difference in my life, so thank you. All of you.
Also, before I explain the reason of this whole post, please keep in mind the following. I am merely informing you all of an important change in my life, which would bother me if I didn't say it. I am not in any way seeking your approval, or your "permission". ^_^ In other words, if you feel happy for me or support me in this, do know that I will gladly take your words to heart and be grateful for aforementioned support. If for an unfortunate reason, someone reacted badly, well... that'd be a pity, but I certainly won't apologize or change my viewpoint for being who I am. I do hope that even such a person will remain civil, though, so that my experience of this board remains just as great as it's always been. Not that I expect any of you to react in such a bad way... I mean, after all, you never met me in the flesh anyway.
So without further interruptions...
I have, for as long as I can remember, been living with what is usually referred to as "Gender Dysphoria", sometimes known as "Gender Identity Disorder". Or in very simplified terms, a "man trapped in the body of a woman", or vice-versa (in my case, the latter). It's made my life very unpleasant, despite having several good things in it to make up for it (a loving family, rather good looks, a solid health, and a decent IQ [lol]. So much so that it eventually reached a breaking point. I realized I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do anything, and that I'd keep 'existing' rather than 'living' for as long as I refused to admit that I needed to change.
So, very long story short, years ago, I decided to do something about it. Over the years that followed, I started that 'coming out' process. It took me 2 years to go through the most important people in my life, my family, my friends. Then people at my job. It's still not over, and will probably take a year or two more, I don't really know. Depends on how I feel and if I'm emotionally capable of telling someone one day or the other.
One year ago, I learned of the existence of a program which would allow me to make my dream come true. So I made calls, talked to people, and started out the process, which will eventually lead me to a gender change. So yeah, as far as I'm concerned, I'm a woman. Always have been. It's just that after 26 years of complicated existence, I'm finally about to begin living my life. And to me, it's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
I suppose some of you may be thinking, "so what?". (After all, any of us could type in their profiles whatever they want, the rest of us will no doubt never know. Whatever, right?) ;D Well, as I said, it's no big deal to most of you, no doubt. But to me, it's important, and you guys deserve to know. So if you're glad for me, that's great. If you don't really care, that's fine too. The fact is, now you know, and I feel better about it.
And as I said, you guys are part of the reason I made it that far. Without this board, without RPGs, which allowed me to dream, imagine, and have fun despite my problems, I don't think I'd have lasted long enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So I'd like to extend a big THANK YOU to everyone again. I hope knowing this won't destroy what we've built over the years, and that I will retain your esteem (if I had somehow managed to gain it in the past, lol).
That's all, folks. Thanks for reading and have a great life. ^_^
First, and to make sure nobody takes this the wrong way, allow me to say this outright: this is NOT a post about me leaving the board and thanking everybody, naming the qualities of each of you and thanking you for a good time over the last months/years, before offering to sing Kumbaya around a fire before I quit. So rest easy, I'm not leaving, or anything of the sort.
Now that this is clear... I have something to say to you guys. It's related to my past sequences of 'feeling depressed this' and 'feeling down that', etc, etc... that I had in the past, several times over.
Do not worry, though, I'm not dying or anything. It's not that big a deal for most folks, but for me, it is important, so bear with me. XD
It's not easy (although it's considerably less difficult, since I've already said it to my family, 'real world' friends and boss and fellow employees at my job), either to say or to hear, but it's something I feel that I have to do. The reason for this is threefold.
One, I planned to make this 'coming out' ('cause it is kind of one) everywhere that was important to me, because otherwise it'd feel like something was lacking, that it'd be incomplete. Since the board is a place (so to speak) where I spent a considerable amount of hours on in the last six years, it is very important to me.
Two, I do not want to lie to anyone, and if I do not say it, I will eventually have to, so it's out of the question as far as I'm concerned.
Three, and finally, I feel like I owe it to you guys to tell you. This community helped me get through the darkest times of these last few years, by providing me with great GMs, amazing fellow players, and dozens of great games. It provided me with what I needed to keep going (which is, a way to get my mind off things that made me depressed) many times over, and I have all of you to thank for it. So, regardless of how you may see it, even if you never had the feeling like you actually did something for me, I can assure you that you did. If you're part of this community somehow since I've started showing up here, then at some point, you've made a big difference in my life, so thank you. All of you.
Also, before I explain the reason of this whole post, please keep in mind the following. I am merely informing you all of an important change in my life, which would bother me if I didn't say it. I am not in any way seeking your approval, or your "permission". ^_^ In other words, if you feel happy for me or support me in this, do know that I will gladly take your words to heart and be grateful for aforementioned support. If for an unfortunate reason, someone reacted badly, well... that'd be a pity, but I certainly won't apologize or change my viewpoint for being who I am. I do hope that even such a person will remain civil, though, so that my experience of this board remains just as great as it's always been. Not that I expect any of you to react in such a bad way... I mean, after all, you never met me in the flesh anyway.
So without further interruptions...
_________________________________________________
I have, for as long as I can remember, been living with what is usually referred to as "Gender Dysphoria", sometimes known as "Gender Identity Disorder". Or in very simplified terms, a "man trapped in the body of a woman", or vice-versa (in my case, the latter). It's made my life very unpleasant, despite having several good things in it to make up for it (a loving family, rather good looks, a solid health, and a decent IQ [lol]. So much so that it eventually reached a breaking point. I realized I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do anything, and that I'd keep 'existing' rather than 'living' for as long as I refused to admit that I needed to change.
So, very long story short, years ago, I decided to do something about it. Over the years that followed, I started that 'coming out' process. It took me 2 years to go through the most important people in my life, my family, my friends. Then people at my job. It's still not over, and will probably take a year or two more, I don't really know. Depends on how I feel and if I'm emotionally capable of telling someone one day or the other.
One year ago, I learned of the existence of a program which would allow me to make my dream come true. So I made calls, talked to people, and started out the process, which will eventually lead me to a gender change. So yeah, as far as I'm concerned, I'm a woman. Always have been. It's just that after 26 years of complicated existence, I'm finally about to begin living my life. And to me, it's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
_________________________________________________
I suppose some of you may be thinking, "so what?". (After all, any of us could type in their profiles whatever they want, the rest of us will no doubt never know. Whatever, right?) ;D Well, as I said, it's no big deal to most of you, no doubt. But to me, it's important, and you guys deserve to know. So if you're glad for me, that's great. If you don't really care, that's fine too. The fact is, now you know, and I feel better about it.
And as I said, you guys are part of the reason I made it that far. Without this board, without RPGs, which allowed me to dream, imagine, and have fun despite my problems, I don't think I'd have lasted long enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So I'd like to extend a big THANK YOU to everyone again. I hope knowing this won't destroy what we've built over the years, and that I will retain your esteem (if I had somehow managed to gain it in the past, lol).
That's all, folks. Thanks for reading and have a great life. ^_^